Issue Sheet 5: Documenting Your Case—Canadian Council for Co-Parenting
If you get involved in a highly conflicted case, consider documenting your actions and those of your ex-, lawyers, etc. Here is why:
- Documenting events help you remember exact dates and details (you may be able to refer to these details in court)
- If your ex- sees you recording these events, it may encourage a more co-operative approach
- recording events in writing can be a calming alternative to letting provocations get you upset.
- It helps to be organized so you don’t waste your lawyer’s time (and your money), to encourage your lawyer to effectively represent you, and make it easier to change lawyers if you get bad representation.
Suggestions on how to document your case:
Pocket Agenda: keep it with you at all times, with a pen (not a pencil), or
Looseleaf binder: keep copies of court orders, motions, letters from doctors, police reports, etc.
All materials should be dated and preferably kept in order by date.
Always keep these materials with you and do not let your ex- take this, even for a second, although it does not hurt that if your ex sees you recording events.
Record access visits, when you arrived, delays, problems or reasons for access denial.
Tape recording: Generally phone recordings may not be admissible in court, but they can be useful. You must be organized: date and initial each original tape or copy from voice mail recording. Again, recording may be more useful in toning down provocations than as evidence at trial. (Besides, very few cases go to trial, because of cost and risk). We recommend something integrated with your phone/voice mail, or for non phone use, a small, voice activated quality model, with a good, small external microphone. (It is surprisingly difficult to record intelligible voice from something in your pocket – do a few tests and don’t go or a really cheap model.)
Legal Papers:
You should keep a copy of all legal papers relating to your separation or divorce. Ideally, keep originals in a secure place with a copy of key items in your looseleaf binder. Include any letter you send to your lawyer with instructions on what to do, dates of any calls to your lawyer, calls with your ex-, what was discussed, verbal agreements (follow these up by putting it in writing), mediator documents, psychologist or other professional reports, character references from friends, etc.
Recording your Parenting Activities and Plan:
Document your volunteer work at your child’s school, sports events, lessons or activities. Have a parenting plan for tutoring, nutrition, clothing and activities/hobbies.
Record your involvement in parenting classes or parent support groups dealing with any special situations your child is facing or problems your child may have.
“Plan your parenting and then work your plan”
What to record, what not to record:
Record dates, times, locations, exact quotations, actions, facts and what you have seen, done or what you see others do. Avoid recording what others say someone did, or your opinion about what your ex- is thinking, motivations, or impressions of what is going on in peoples’ minds. If your kids seem afraid, you can ask them, “are you feeling afraid or not?” If yes, then you may ask what they are afraid of, and record this, but avoid leading or repeated questioning.